I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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