I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
