Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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