Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
