at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
