i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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