May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
