Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
