Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
