Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just googled if crying burns calories
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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