Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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