I think I died a long time ago.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You can't just leave with hair like that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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