well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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