I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
