ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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