Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
