I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
