you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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