I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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