god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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