just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
