It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if only i could text you this smell
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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