Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
