Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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