Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
