Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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