"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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