do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
