Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
