my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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