Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
