Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
