3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
