You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
