I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
