You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
