remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
