what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
