M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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