Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
