i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
