I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
