I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
