In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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