Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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