actually, I'm a sock model
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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