Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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