I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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