Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
