I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
