Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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