The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
